My Guardian Angel

As i sit here & reminisce on all the memories we had, still cant come to the fact that your never coming back. You were my Brother, My cousin, My best friend, My partner in Crime, & the list can go on forever. I remember one summer when i was at your crib, i stood for like idk lol along time, But anyway we were outside & you dared me & chichi to go mobb on some random chick. Any chick that walked by. & of course you knew i was wit it. i Was a goon & i didn't care. Or the time well me & chichi got in trouble cause we were in the park late & not answering the phone. I'm smiling now but i know that when I'm done ima be crying again. Now i know how much you hate it but i mean this is a big step we have to overcome. This isn't easy & I'm sure you understand that. But back to the memories. Ohh Miami!! How excited we were. We were so excited we almost forgot to call steph for her bday. (we left ed a message) But when we got there yea we chilled, but ya ass along wit mommy & everyone else fell asleep on me at freaking 8 something. I know you were tired cuz the day b4 we really ain't sleep. You know i fell asleep b4 wen don't i right ? lol. but yea the times we Had we remarkable. We enjoyed each others company. Ying to my Yang. i miss it alot. & I'm sooo upset, sad, mad, angry ughh i want yu back. Nothing is the same knowing that when i look into my contacts & see ya name yu wont answer. But there will be another voice on that end. Your Mothers. ( speaking of that i need to visit) i just dont want to feel as if im bringing sadness. idk how people are coping with this or if they want to speak about it. But i know i do any chance i get. i Just spoke to steph she said we may be going Thur the 5 stages of death. DEATH ?? that's fucking crazy. Why you ? Why you ? i ak myself everyday. The impact yu left was tremendous. Your funeral was huge. & filled with all types of people, with different styles, But the females haha (playa playa) sorry Ladies lmao. But I'm saying He was the Man. Dam scrappy coco. I shake my head whenever i see sum one who looks like you. Ive came to the conclusion that you have passed & your no longer with us. But at the same time I'm in denial. I don't want to believe. Ill just keep thinking that your on vacation. :'( Sorry for the run around. But I'm writing it down as it comes. i just miss you so much. i feel like ima be stuck on stupid for a long time. Fuck man. I'm so upset. I must admit i thought you wud be the last person to so something like that. People were telling me how that makes you a weak person & i got so angry. i didn't say nothing at the moment but i was. & i just thought how the fuck can you be weak to do sum shit like that. No my cousin wasn't weak he was a strong person. He changed the life of many. Took the negative energy away from people & made them believe that there is a life to live for. Now why didn't you take your own advice ? But anyway. For someone to go thru with something like that had big balls. & you my friend your balls were huge ( not literally people) but you had the strength to overcome your mind & body & do it. that takes alot from yourself. Reincarnation; let me give you a brief explanation on what it means. Majority of Indians religions believe in reincarnation. its life after death. a person is reborn into something else depending on the life they live. Now god knows how much of a wonderful person you are despite all the sins. Not one person is perfect. but if you believe in it. it so sad that one needs to be killed. if not your body will sit on earth forever. Now idk what to believe but I'm sure he let you slide & gave you a place next to grandma. Oh how shes missed just as much as you. Now my next tat. That's for you & grandma. Sorry father for i have sin. But I'm sure you will forgive me. There still much more to say but ill leave it like this. RIP.