My Guardian Angel

As i sit here & reminisce on all the memories we had, still cant come to the fact that your never coming back. You were my Brother, My cousin, My best friend, My partner in Crime, & the list can go on forever. I remember one summer when i was at your crib, i stood for like idk lol along time, But anyway we were outside & you dared me & chichi to go mobb on some random chick. Any chick that walked by. & of course you knew i was wit it. i Was a goon & i didn't care. Or the time well me & chichi got in trouble cause we were in the park late & not answering the phone. I'm smiling now but i know that when I'm done ima be crying again. Now i know how much you hate it but i mean this is a big step we have to overcome. This isn't easy & I'm sure you understand that. But back to the memories. Ohh Miami!! How excited we were. We were so excited we almost forgot to call steph for her bday. (we left ed a message) But when we got there yea we chilled, but ya ass along wit mommy & everyone else fell asleep on me at freaking 8 something. I know you were tired cuz the day b4 we really ain't sleep. You know i fell asleep b4 wen don't i right ? lol. but yea the times we Had we remarkable. We enjoyed each others company. Ying to my Yang. i miss it alot. & I'm sooo upset, sad, mad, angry ughh i want yu back. Nothing is the same knowing that when i look into my contacts & see ya name yu wont answer. But there will be another voice on that end. Your Mothers. ( speaking of that i need to visit) i just dont want to feel as if im bringing sadness. idk how people are coping with this or if they want to speak about it. But i know i do any chance i get. i Just spoke to steph she said we may be going Thur the 5 stages of death. DEATH ?? that's fucking crazy. Why you ? Why you ? i ak myself everyday. The impact yu left was tremendous. Your funeral was huge. & filled with all types of people, with different styles, But the females haha (playa playa) sorry Ladies lmao. But I'm saying He was the Man. Dam scrappy coco. I shake my head whenever i see sum one who looks like you. Ive came to the conclusion that you have passed & your no longer with us. But at the same time I'm in denial. I don't want to believe. Ill just keep thinking that your on vacation. :'( Sorry for the run around. But I'm writing it down as it comes. i just miss you so much. i feel like ima be stuck on stupid for a long time. Fuck man. I'm so upset. I must admit i thought you wud be the last person to so something like that. People were telling me how that makes you a weak person & i got so angry. i didn't say nothing at the moment but i was. & i just thought how the fuck can you be weak to do sum shit like that. No my cousin wasn't weak he was a strong person. He changed the life of many. Took the negative energy away from people & made them believe that there is a life to live for. Now why didn't you take your own advice ? But anyway. For someone to go thru with something like that had big balls. & you my friend your balls were huge ( not literally people) but you had the strength to overcome your mind & body & do it. that takes alot from yourself. Reincarnation; let me give you a brief explanation on what it means. Majority of Indians religions believe in reincarnation. its life after death. a person is reborn into something else depending on the life they live. Now god knows how much of a wonderful person you are despite all the sins. Not one person is perfect. but if you believe in it. it so sad that one needs to be killed. if not your body will sit on earth forever. Now idk what to believe but I'm sure he let you slide & gave you a place next to grandma. Oh how shes missed just as much as you. Now my next tat. That's for you & grandma. Sorry father for i have sin. But I'm sure you will forgive me. There still much more to say but ill leave it like this. RIP.

Ghost.

Laying on her bed everyday wondering what went wrong. Can it be fix? Is it me? Am i not enough? Are all the thoughts plus much more that went on in this young lady's mind. Every time she looked in the mirror her once beautiful face turned into a nightmare. She played a role in her life that she always said she refused to play. She was now a statistic & can nothing be done about it. She had lost all respect for herself. Why ? Because when that Boy, whom she thought was a Man, Told her " I Love You" she neglected herself to try & focused on US. Us ?? Those two letter there changed a lot. It was no longer just her. She was accompanied by at that point a demon. Yes a demon, but a beautiful demon. She went crazy not knowing what to do, who can she trust.& she knew that with her back against the wall she would have to get herself out for no one to know. But there was this one angel whom she can trust & that angel guided her through her toughest issue. Her angel knew that there was only one thing she can possibly do & that was to kill. Yes she is a murder. How can she live with herself ? Well everyday she asks herself that. To get by with life she convinced herself that it was all self-defense. It was kill or get killed. But her angel understood that. Well back to the demon. Now she was living wit two demons. This large one was very powerful had her do whatever was told. Its like he took over her mind. Made her become a little demon herself, but in the back of her mind she knew she wasn't. Well this very large demon; he was known. Everyone could see him & wanted to be around him,. All he caused was pain, that's all he knew. Instead of sparing her life he made it hell everyday. The War. The Propaganda. How can anyone deal with that? So after which seem like centuries she finally got out. She gained her freedom. & of course her angel was right there. He doubted her because she had said so much within those centuries. But know the fight was over. & can you believe after thinking the fight was over it really wasn't. She got out of it only half way. She still needed to defeat the large demon. the one who really over powered her. But this motherfucker wasn't easy. He put up a huge fight & still does today. But even thou he believes she's giving in, she's not. But as you can see she made it out alive. With everything contacted. He was difficult she wont lie. But if she did it, anyone can. Now she refuses to go all out with the details but those who kno her, know what it was like. & with out any doubt if you ask her " do you love that demon?" she will stand with pride & say YES! No why because even thou she lived in hell, she knows how HOT it is. She knows that beside everything that she asks that demon to do her a favor he will. & she wont stop Loving him. & Her angel is still her angel.